Coming to a Club Near You....

(Originally posted on 11.08.08)

Slow-motion Dancing!

OK, I know what you're thinking (I'm an omniscient narrator): "RD, this sounds weird, and frankly, a little stupid. How will I be able to demonstrate my sexual prowess to members of the opposite sex if I'm lumbering about on the dance floor like a tranquilized horse?"

To this I say: "pish-tosh my friends!" Here are some reasons why I believe slow-motion dancing will be the next craze to sweep the nation:

1. The Slo-Mo treatment can be applied to pretty much any dance move, and in effect, has two advantages: you no longer have to dream up new choreography, and previously unmastered moves suddenly become a piece of cake. Think how easy break-dancing, ballet, and the Carleton would be if you just took your sweet-lovin' time.

2. You don't have to worry about falling down; if you're a drinker or a wearer of high-heels, I shouldn't have to elaborate on this one.

3. Slo-Mo dancing will make you seem ironic and wickedly clever to all of the Liberal Hipsters. You'll have them begging to buy you an import beer and hold your hair while you puke later.

4. Slo-mo moves will make the crowd feel even more inebriated, which increases your odds of "meaningful conversation" ten-fold.

5. Two words: Strobe Lights.

6. Anyone can successfully Slo-Mo dance, young, old, black, white, fat, skinny...debilitatingly lethargic. It's an everyman's dance that can bring unity to an otherwise divisive setting. World Peace, anyone?

7. It can't look any more ridiculous than Contemporary Jazz.

In closing, I hope that the next time your at a party/club/honkeytonk/speakeasy/So You Think You Can Dance? audition, and you're feeling a smidge insecure about your rhythmic stylings, you'll remember this mantra: Take it Slow, and You're Good to Go! (Patent Pending). Now, get going you dance machines!---but not too quickly....

You can thank me later.

RD